WHAT'S MENTAL HEALTH, REALLY?

We all have mental health, just like we all have physical health. It's about how we think, feel, and cope with life. It’s the inner world that guides our daily actions, our relationships, and our sense of who we are. Some days it feels like a calm sea, and other days, it feels like a raging storm. And that's okay. It’s completely normal for our mental well-being to ebb and flow throughout our lives. But if you feel that the storms outweigh the calm, my goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters.

What Does It Mean to Struggle?

When people come to see me, they often use a lot of different words to describe what they’re feeling. But beneath it all, there are some common threads. Perhaps you’re dealing with:

Overwhelming Worry. This isn’t just about being a "worrier." It's that constant, nagging feeling in your gut that something bad is about to happen. It can show up as a racing heart, sleepless nights, or that awful knot in your stomach before social events. You might find yourself replaying conversations, overthinking every decision, or feeling a sense of dread that just won't go away. This is often how anxiety shows up.

A Persistent Low. It can feel like a heavy blanket has been thrown over you, making everything feel dull and pointless. The things you used to love no longer bring you joy, and even simple tasks can feel like climbing a mountain. You might find yourself sleeping more than usual, losing your appetite, or feeling a profound sense of emptiness or hopelessness. This is often the quiet presence of depression.

A Critical Inner Voice. It’s that voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, that you’ll fail, and that you don’t deserve good things. This can lead to low self-esteem, making it difficult to set boundaries, say no, or even accept a compliment. You might be constantly comparing yourself to others or feeling like an imposter.

A Feeling of Unworthiness. This is a deep-seated belief that you are fundamentally flawed or not deserving of love, happiness, or success. It can manifest as a feeling of being worthless, and a tendency to put your own needs last, or even a sense of shame about who you are. This feeling can be a powerful driver of other struggles, making you feel like you're not allowed to be happy or to ask for help.

The Compulsion to People Please. Maybe you feel like you have to constantly say "yes," even when you're stretched thin, or you find yourself bending over backwards to make others happy at the expense of your own needs. You might dread confrontation and find yourself apologising even when it's not your fault. This can be a sign of a deeper fear of rejection or not being liked.

Feeling Burnt Out. The pressures of life, work, and family can pile up until you feel completely exhausted, mentally and physically. This isn't just about being tired; it’s a deep, bone-weary fatigue that can lead to irritability, cynicism, and a feeling that you've got nothing left to give.

These feelings are not a sign of weakness. They’re a sign that something needs attention.

The Difference Between Needs and Wants: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

One of the most important things we'll explore in our work together is the difference between your needs and your wants. It's a simple distinction that can have a huge impact on your mental well-being.

A need is something essential for your well-being, like a sense of safety, belonging, or respect. A want is a desire for something that isn't essential, like a new car, a perfect holiday, or everyone's approval.

The complication arises because we have both healthy needs and unhealthy needs.

Healthy Needs are those that nourish you and contribute to your growth. Think of them as the foundational building blocks for a stable, fulfilling life. Examples include the need for genuine connection, for autonomy (the ability to make your own choices), and for self-worth that comes from within. When these needs are met in a healthy way, you feel secure, confident, and whole.

Unhealthy Needs are often born out of past pain or trauma. They are desires that, if fulfilled, don't truly serve you. These can be things like the need for constant validation from others, the need to control every situation, or the need to feel superior to others.

Pursuing these unhealthy needs can leave you in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment because they are impossible to fully satisfy. It's like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

When we confuse our wants with our needs, we become vulnerable. For example, if you have an unhealthy need to feel accepted, you might mistakenly believe you want everyone to like you. This can lead to people-pleasing, as you constantly seek external validation to fulfil that inner need. This leaves you open to disappointment and can make you feel worthless if you don't receive the validation you're craving. When we can understand our genuine needs and separate them from our wants, we can find healthier, more sustainable ways to feel fulfilled.

How These Struggles Show Up in Your Life

The challenges above don't always look the way we expect them to. They can be subtle and deeply personal. You might notice them in your day-to-day life as:

Withdrawing from others. You might stop making plans with friends, avoid social gatherings, or find yourself putting up a wall between you and your loved ones.

Physical symptoms. Your body can hold your stress. This can show up as constant headaches, stomach problems, or muscle tension.

Difficulty concentrating. You might find yourself feeling foggy, struggling to focus at work, or feeling easily distracted by your own thoughts.

Changes in your habits. Maybe you’re sleeping too little or too much, or your eating patterns have changed.

Emotional reactions. You might feel more irritable, tearful, or angry than usual, and find it hard to manage your emotions.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

If you're reading this and any of it resonates, I want you to know that there is a path forward. Taking the step to seek help is a profound act of courage and self-kindness.

In our sessions, my aim is to create a space where you feel completely safe and heard. We can work together to understand the root causes of what you’re feeling, learn practical tools to manage your day-to-day life, and help you find a sense of peace and balance again.

Your well-being is my priority. Let's start the conversation and explore how we can move forward together.