Just as we can't replace a loved one, we can't replace a beloved pet either.....
I've very recently experienced the heart-wrenching moment of bidding farewell to my beloved companion, Poppy; a gorgeous 15-year-old dog who has been a cherished part of my life.
This last six months, it's been impossible not to notice a significant decline in her health. The vibrant and spirited Little Lady I once knew has been gradually giving way to fatigue and frailty. Her once bright eyes started to dim with failing eyesight, her ears no longer perked up at familiar sounds, her once agile hips faltering with each step, and her loyal heart struggling to maintain her daily exercise and inpairing the ease of walking up the stairs or jumping onto my lap.
The knowledge that the day would come when I would lose her, has always in the back of my mind. From day one of her joining our family, it has been a silent agreement that accompanies the joy of having a furry companion by your side.
For the past several months, I have been vigilantly monitoring her well-being, and trying my very best to treasure each and every moment spent together (whilst preparing myself for the inevitable goodbye that I knew was drawing near).
I was Poppy's Number One. She relied on me. She was my shadow. My mirror. My devotee. My baby. And she was my purest expression of love.
On Saturday 21st September, she clearly showed me it was her time to 'go' and I had to make the most difficult and painful decision I've ever had to make in my 49 years on this planet: to put her to sleep.
Whilst I was by besides myself with pain and heartache, she was incredibly calm and relaxed. As my family and I drove to the out-of-hours Vet the other side of our city, she lay in my arms; peaceful and zen.
Anyone who has ever experienced this will know what I'm talking about. But many won't. And that's ok.
Losing a pet, whether it's to old age, illness or an unfortunate accident, is a heartbreaking experience.
Psychiatrist Colin Murray Parkes once said, "The pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love: it is, perhap, the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment."
Never before has that made more sense.
With a pet, it’s a unique kind of grief, often overlooked or underestimated by those who haven’t experienced it. I realise that the loss is so deeply personal.
For those who haven't experienced pet ownership and the ensuing loss which comes with that responsibility, there's a few things I'd like you to know.....
I'd like you to know that the bond between a pet and its owner is a profound connection that transcends words. It's a relationship built on unconditional love, companionship, and trust.
Poppy wasn't just a dog; she was a cherished member of our family, a loyal friend who brought joy and comfort into our lives for 15 beautiful years.
As we navigated through those final moments with Poppy, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions. The realisation that it was time to let her go, coupled with the overwhelming sorrow of saying goodbye to my beloved companion (and every possible emotion in-between that); such an incredibly challenging experience to endure.
That final goodbye will reside forever in my soul.
But in these days and weeks after that fateful evening, in these raw moments of heartache and loss, there is also a profound sense of gratitude for the time we shared together.
The memories of Poppy's playful antics, her unwavering loyalty, her unwarranted barking as the unofficial protector of the house (especially towards me, her Mummy), and the countless moments of happiness she brought into our lives, will forever be etched in our hearts.
The Emotional Toll
The sorrow felt upon the loss of a dear pet is deep and intricate. It has a significant impact on individuals personally, while also striking a chord universally with pet owners. Pets occupy a special position in our lives, going beyond being just animals to become beloved family members, faithful friends, and constant providers of solace and happiness. Their existence fills our days with affection, joy, and camaraderie, forming an unbreakable and profoundly significant connection.
With Poppy no longer by our side, the void left behind - in these early days - feels overwhelming and it casts a shadow of emptiness and loss that seems insurmountable. The familiar routines, the wagging tails, the smiles and cuddles – all of these precious moments become poignant memories that tug at our hearts and remind us of the profound impact she's had on our lives.
I know that coping with the absence of Poppy requires navigating a journey of healing and acceptance, as my family come to terms with the reality of her absence and adjusts to a new normal without her physical presence.
The mourning for our beloved pet is going to be a distinct journey that varies for each of us as we navigate through sudden waves of sadness, isolation, frustration, and profound yearning. It is a period of contemplation, recollection, and paying tribute to the unique connection we collectively and individually had with her.
As a wife, mum and therapist I know all too well that seeking support and comfort from loved ones is critical. Even if that's hard as we are all struggling with the pain. Self-care is also paramount.
Professionally, I'd advise seeking out pet loss support groups, or (of course) counselling. Both can provide comfort and some acceptance during this difficult time, offering a safe space to express emotions, share memories, and find safety in the understanding and empathy of others who have also experienced the loss of a beloved pet, or are trained to support it.
In the end, even though the sorrow of losing a pet can be intense, it serves as a reflection of the profound love and bond we had with them. As my family moves through the process of mourning and recovery, we will undoubtedly hold onto the lasting impact of Poppy's unwavering love, devotion, and companionship, seeking comfort in the recollections and the enduring mark she made on our hearts and minds and lives.
Feelings
Having done bereavement training in the past, I now know for certain that the grief process isn't linear!
So far I've experienced:
Denial and Disbelief: Initially, it has been so hard to accept that Poppy has gone. Regularly questioning the reality of the situation, searching for signs that she is still there and expecting to see her as I enter a room or turn a corner.
Anger and Resentment: Feelings of anger and resentment. Angry at her having to get old and for the Universe taking her. The World feels so unfair right now. I''ve also felt anger towards myself, blaming myself for not being able to prevent the loss.
Sadness, Guilt and Regret: Deep feelings of sadness; a sense of emptiness and loneliness, and feeling guilty about having to do anything that might be considered 'normal' such as personal-care and undertaking everyday household/life tasks. Feeling guilty and regretful, especially questioning if I could have done something differently. Feeling bad that I (on occasion) allowed myself to get irritated by her when she wouldn't settle or couldn't communicate what she wanted, or if she woke us up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning.
Society's Reactions (what pet owners and non-pet owners might benefit from knowing)
I'm fortunate to have friends and family (outside of our household) who get it. They knew Poppy. They loved her. They knew what she meant to me and my family.
But unfortunately, society often minimises the grief associated with pet loss.
Some individuals might express sentiments such as, "It's only an animal," or "You can easily replace it." These remarks would feel so insensitive and trivialising since they overlook the profound emotional bond between an individual and their pet.
For those experiencing the grief, it's crucial to recognise that your sorrow is legitimate, and you shouldn't feel the need to justify it.
For those that hear about someone's pet bereavement, please try to open your hearts to someone's pain as much as you might (and arguably should), a person who has lost a human.
The Healing Process
I know that healing from the loss of Poppy will take me and my family time. I try to remind my children and husband that there is no 'right' way to grieve, and everyone’s experience is unique.
But as a general rule, here are some things that can help those going through this:
Talk about and share your feelings: Remember that all feelings are welcome and valid.
Honour your pet's memory: We're going to make some memorials for Poppy, such as a photo album and a plaque on our garden bench (a special place for us all).
Consider a pet memorial service or joining a group: They can provide a sense of community and allow you to celebrate your pet's life with others. It can also be a way to connect with other people who have experienced pet loss.
Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with your grief, consider seeking professional help.
Going Forward
Dealing with the loss of my beloved dog Poppy will continue to be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience for some time. The bond we shared was utterly unique and profound, making her absence deeply felt. I know it's natural to feel overwhelmed by the grief and the sadness, as her presence in our lives leaves an irreplaceable void.
But as time passes, and the intensity of the pain likely lessens, the memories and love we shared with our furry companion will always remain. I know it's a journey of learning to navigate life without her physically by our side, while keeping her close in our hearts and minds.
Reflecting on the joy and happiness that Poppy brought into my life is a source of comfort amidst the deep sorrow. Knowing that she is now at peace and waiting for me in a place where pain and suffering do not exist offers me solace and hope for the future.
It's essential I allow myself to grieve and process my emotions at my own pace. There is no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of a pet, and seeking support from friends, family, or even professional resources can be beneficial in coping with the loss.
I'll try my best to remember that the love I shared with Poppy will always endure, and while saying goodbye may feel like an ending, it is also a testament to the profound connection we had. I'm going to honour her memory by regularly cherishing the moments we shared and continue carrying her spirit with me as I navigate the journey of healing and rebuilding my life around the hole she's left.
Final Thoughts
If you've been through this awful experience, or know you will at some point, I send my sincere condolences. For those who haven't and won't: I kindly ask that you try to be mindful of the effect of this loss - even if it doesn't resonate with you.
Kirsten
Freedom Therapy
RIP Poppy La Coco Vanderpumps
2009-2024
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